All my life I have wanted one career, I have wanted to be a Stay at Home Mom.
Before Papillon was born I totally believed being a SAHM was a 100% legitimate full time job. Just as full time and just as much of a career as any job out there.
So it was with great gusto that I began dream career last July.
I think it took a week, maybe two, before I began to give into our society's philosophy that mothering is for nights and weekends and those who stay home with children don't have a "real job". Much to my surprise, I felt lazy, worthless, and like I wasn't doing my fair share in terms of supporting our family.
Sure, Papillon kept me busy all day long, and I don't know how I thought I could do more. But I wasn't commuting, I wasn't clocking in, and I wasn't bringing home a paycheck. In fact, I was doing things I used to do (back when I had a "real job") in my leisure time. I was cooking, cleaning, meeting up with friends, etc. And I thought to myself, I used to do all these things AND work a full-time job; I must seriously be slacking.
I still knew that I wanted to do this SAHM thing. I knew in my head that it is a legitimate occupation. But I found myself feeling guilty, when Mon Amour was recapping his business-meeting-filled day, and I was sharing about how we had a great time at lunch with a friend, or how we made brownies just for fun.
When the guilt became oppressive, I realized I needed to change my thinking. Yes, mothering is a full time job; it looks very different than any other job, but it has many similarities if you look a little deeper. And that's what I have been doing lately, looking deeper; so far, this is what I have seen.
First.
Taking care of Papillon is a full time job. If I weren't doing it, someone else would be (think day care, Nanny's, etc). If working at a daycare taking care of other people's kids is a legitimate occupation, then so is staying home and taking care of my own.
Second.
Just because I am enjoying my job more than I ever have before doesn't mean that it is not legitimate work. Some people find their "real jobs" very delightful and they don't feel guilty about it; similarly, I simply really enjoy what I do, and I shouldn't feel bad about that (but I should be very very very grateful because lots of people don't ever find a job they really love).
Third.
My Stay at Home job has many parallels to "real jobs" that are just a little harder to see. For example, I tend to feel guilty about the level of priority that I put on "play dates" (aka, hanging out with other moms and babies). To me it seemed like straight up fun, and clearly fun means its not a job, meaning I am not working, meaning I feel guilty that my husband has to have a "real job" while I hang out with friends all the time. But then I realized that in my previous "real job" I also spent time throughout the week hanging out with people - we called such times "business meetings". Granted, depending on the job, "real" business meetings may be less fun; but ultimately, me spending time with other moms and babies is quite similar to a business person meeting with other people in their office or industry. No job (or at least very few) requires someone to work completely alone; you work in conjunction with other folks in the same industry. My industry is child-rearing, so I meet with other child-rearers; its a business meeting and legitimate (and super fun!) work.
So that is what I have learned lately. Being a SAHM is my main job. A real job. A valuable job. It just doesn't pay well.
I still do feel a little funny when people ask me when (not "if") I am going back to work, and I do often pull out the "I do work part time from home" card as a means of defending myself. I wish I didn't feel like I needed to have a "real job" in order to validate myself; but that said, I am super grateful for my "real jobs", they are a huge blessing. And lest anyone get the wrong impression I am trying to say staying home with kids is a great profession for a mom; I am not saying it is the only legitimate profession. To those of you who balance loving-on-your-kids and working-out-of-the-home-jobs, I say Keep up the good work. My intent with this post is more for those of you who are or want to be full time SAHMs, but feel like its not a valid career choice; it really truly is a legitimate God-given profession.
Before Papillon was born I totally believed being a SAHM was a 100% legitimate full time job. Just as full time and just as much of a career as any job out there.
So it was with great gusto that I began dream career last July.
I think it took a week, maybe two, before I began to give into our society's philosophy that mothering is for nights and weekends and those who stay home with children don't have a "real job". Much to my surprise, I felt lazy, worthless, and like I wasn't doing my fair share in terms of supporting our family.
Sure, Papillon kept me busy all day long, and I don't know how I thought I could do more. But I wasn't commuting, I wasn't clocking in, and I wasn't bringing home a paycheck. In fact, I was doing things I used to do (back when I had a "real job") in my leisure time. I was cooking, cleaning, meeting up with friends, etc. And I thought to myself, I used to do all these things AND work a full-time job; I must seriously be slacking.
I still knew that I wanted to do this SAHM thing. I knew in my head that it is a legitimate occupation. But I found myself feeling guilty, when Mon Amour was recapping his business-meeting-filled day, and I was sharing about how we had a great time at lunch with a friend, or how we made brownies just for fun.
When the guilt became oppressive, I realized I needed to change my thinking. Yes, mothering is a full time job; it looks very different than any other job, but it has many similarities if you look a little deeper. And that's what I have been doing lately, looking deeper; so far, this is what I have seen.
First.
Taking care of Papillon is a full time job. If I weren't doing it, someone else would be (think day care, Nanny's, etc). If working at a daycare taking care of other people's kids is a legitimate occupation, then so is staying home and taking care of my own.
Second.
Just because I am enjoying my job more than I ever have before doesn't mean that it is not legitimate work. Some people find their "real jobs" very delightful and they don't feel guilty about it; similarly, I simply really enjoy what I do, and I shouldn't feel bad about that (but I should be very very very grateful because lots of people don't ever find a job they really love).
Third.
My Stay at Home job has many parallels to "real jobs" that are just a little harder to see. For example, I tend to feel guilty about the level of priority that I put on "play dates" (aka, hanging out with other moms and babies). To me it seemed like straight up fun, and clearly fun means its not a job, meaning I am not working, meaning I feel guilty that my husband has to have a "real job" while I hang out with friends all the time. But then I realized that in my previous "real job" I also spent time throughout the week hanging out with people - we called such times "business meetings". Granted, depending on the job, "real" business meetings may be less fun; but ultimately, me spending time with other moms and babies is quite similar to a business person meeting with other people in their office or industry. No job (or at least very few) requires someone to work completely alone; you work in conjunction with other folks in the same industry. My industry is child-rearing, so I meet with other child-rearers; its a business meeting and legitimate (and super fun!) work.
So that is what I have learned lately. Being a SAHM is my main job. A real job. A valuable job. It just doesn't pay well.
I still do feel a little funny when people ask me when (not "if") I am going back to work, and I do often pull out the "I do work part time from home" card as a means of defending myself. I wish I didn't feel like I needed to have a "real job" in order to validate myself; but that said, I am super grateful for my "real jobs", they are a huge blessing. And lest anyone get the wrong impression I am trying to say staying home with kids is a great profession for a mom; I am not saying it is the only legitimate profession. To those of you who balance loving-on-your-kids and working-out-of-the-home-jobs, I say Keep up the good work. My intent with this post is more for those of you who are or want to be full time SAHMs, but feel like its not a valid career choice; it really truly is a legitimate God-given profession.
And then sometimes, two of my jobs overlap (in the case above, my being-a-mom-job and my bread-selling job), which is twice the fun. Papillon loves helping Grandpa sell bread. 
3 comments:
So I've taken to calling myself a homemanager instead of homemaker on any pesky form that requires my occupation...and while I think it is a more complete "job description" really I do it more because it sounds less lame to me! And not only is his full time (24hr) job, we don't get 24 hours off after being on! Lol...I am tired this morning
I love this post. Thanks for sharing :-)
And I lovee the photo at the end! hooray for P and bread!
Thank you so much for writing this Emily! You know I struggle with the same feelings. Thanks for reminding us of the merit of staying at home. It really is such a precious opportunity. I love reading your blog!
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